


The Letters I'll Never Send

by UnfairMaiden



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Band Fic, Depression, F/M, Gay, Happy Ending, I Ship It, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2019-01-18 00:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 7,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12377463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfairMaiden/pseuds/UnfairMaiden
Summary: Louis and Harry have been best mates since they were put together in a band on July 23rd of the year 2010. Things have been a smooth ride since it all began, and eventually 3 of the lads found a girl to love. Including Louis. Naturally, your best friend should be happy for you, right? If that's the case, then why can't Harry get over the fact that the thought of "Elounor" makes him nauseous? Why can't he stop wishing that somehow, the two will split up and it'll just be him and Louis again? What happens when the waters gets rough? To cope with the disappointment, Harry begins to write letters to Louis that he vows never to send and tries to lead a normal life, but he hits a snag in the road. One day his letters go missing, and shortly after without notice so does Louis. Panic sets in and he wonders if he's lost his closest friend for good; but will a getaway with Eleanor to an exotic island break the tight bonds of Louis's and Harry's friendship entirely? Or will it put their friendship to the ultimate test?Copyright © 2013-2014 by UnfairMaiden





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Before you begin reading this fan fiction, let me just state a few things:
> 
> 1) I do not personally believe Larry is real, I wrote this fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. So if you do ship Larry, that is entirely fine and up to you. Just please do not comment hate or start an irrelevant argument on this story, please minimise that to Facebook groups alone if you must.
> 
> 2) THIS STORY DOES NOT PORTRAY THE CHARACTER'S USED PERSONALITIES IN ANY WAY/SHAPE/OR FORM.
> 
> Copyright © 2013 by Kodie Buford
> 
> All rights reserved.
> 
> No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information address UnfairMaiden.

_Lou,_

_You have no idea how I feel about you. I can't even begin to put into words how much I love you, the way your smiles light up a room and your laugh lifts my spirits when I'm down. It's hard to explain this all, I'm just so confused right now. You seem happy with Eleanor and I can see it in your eyes that you really love her. Of course I'm happy for you two and I respect your relationship, but is it wrong to feel so...jealous? It's all just too much to explain and my I'm embarrassed to say that my hand trembles as I write these words. And although I never plan on sending this letter, it feels good to get it off of my chest, it's still practically like sending it to you right? Please don't hate me for this, it's just the honest truth and don't all friendships rely on trust and honesty? Sorry, this probably isn't very...erm...appropriate for our relationship. But what is there to lose? Well actually I don't know about you, but I could lose everything. I could lose you. And I can't risk a loss as big as that, so for now I'll just write these unsent letters, okay? Maybe someday I'll be able to give them to you, but not right now. I promised myself I wouldn't jeopardise yours and Eleanor's relationship._

_So this is me sticking to that promise._

_-Hazz x_


	2. Two

_Lou,_

_It's helped writing down these mixed feelings, I guess in a way I feel like I'm actually talking to you, only not getting an actual response, so I sort of imagine what you'd say. You'd be gentle, wouldn't you? You'd tell me that it was a nice gesture to reach out to you like that and that you really did value our friendship, but you just didn't feel the same way. You would say you loved me, but like a brother and you were in love with Eleanor, so you just wanted to stay friends and maintain the relationship we already had. You wouldn't want the whole situation to affect our friendship. After agreeing to put it in the past, you'd hug me and then say that you had to go because you had some errands to run. It's alright, and I'm fine as long as we're still good friends. My god I feel like I'm actually telling you this, my heart is racing like a freight train. And my palms are sticky with sweat, but if it were in person I'd probably be in a worser state. I'd probably start bawling my eyes out too, and to say that I'm not crying right now would be a lie, and I can't lie to you Lou. You'd probably try and comfort me, telling me that everything would be okay and trying to make me feel better, and for the time being it would work, but as soon as you would slip from my grasp I'd realise the truth. I'd know that just beneath the surface, you'd want to get the hell away from me. But since you're such a nice guy, you'd tolerate me and try to seem perfectly content with the situation. But I know you too much to know that you wouldn't be and I'm sorry to say that despite our promise to tell each other everything and never keep secrets from one another..._

_This is one secret I'm going to have to keep._

_-Hazz x_


	3. Three

_Lou,_

_I saw you and Eleanor in the streets today, holding hands...when I saw you, you guys were laughing and even though you were in disguise, I could tell it was you. I could recognise that laugh from a mile away. But you guys looked so happy together...I almost felt guilty for my feelings towards you, and no matter how hard I tried to forget, I couldn't shove the emotions away. I almost cried, and when you spotted me, you asked me what was wrong. "Hazz?" Gosh you make my heart stop when you call me that. Instead of walking away as planned, I froze in place. "Hazz what's wrong?" You asked from behind me. The first tear slipped from my eyes as I began to slowly break down before your presence, but I wiped it away, forcing a smile onto my face as I turned to face you. "Hey guys!" I piped, giving you the illusion that I was in a cheerful mood. Neither of you bought it though, the red puffiness of my eyes a dead giveaway to what had been going on. "Harry what's wrong?" Eleanor questioned. Something about the way she said it, so kindly and gently...it reminded me of you Lou, and it sent me into hysterics. You tried to give me a hug, as did she, but I shied away and made a run for it. For a while, you guys chased me, but I quickly evaded the two of you when I ducked into an alley, I didn't want to ruin one of the few days you guys got to spend together, it wasn't fair. Even as you guys finally gave up, I peered out over the garbage can that blocked my view. I only wish I hadn't looked though, because there you two were sharing a sweet kiss, I guess you could say that I was a bit angry, but it was misplaced. I was angry with myself for not telling you sooner. But I guess that's what comes with keeping a secret as big as this, because no one can hide love, and I know someday you'll find out how I feel about you, but I choose for that to happen later instead of now. And that's what sucks about making a decision like this. You always wonder who will find out, how they will uncover the withheld truth, and what they'll do with it. But I guess we'll just have to wait and find out, because no one can see into the future._

_-Hazz x_


	4. Four

_Lou,_

_I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to hold it in. Every time I see you and Eleanor together, I just want to break down into tears because I know that I’m hopelessly in love with someone I know I could never have. As soon as you got back to the flat from your walk with El, you found me quietly sobbing on the couch with a bag of popcorn and a Pepsi, watching my favourite movie, The Notebook. Why do all love stories end like that? With a happy ending? Why can’t we have that happy ending together? Well at least you and Eleanor get one together, maybe someday you guys will get married, have kids…I have to stop myself. But seeing you in the flat, coming home to comfort me…it gave me a spark of hope. Maybe somewhere, somewhere deep down, you loved me too. “Hazz what happened today?” You asked, sitting down on the couch next to me, embracing me with one arm. “Nothing.” I sniffled. “I just…I was late for…something.” Man I’m stupid. Why couldn’t I have come up with a better excuse? Maybe if I had, we wouldn’t be in the position we are now. “Hazz I know that’s not true, you were crying. And you don’t cry easily, did something happen that you wanna tell me about?”_ Yes actually. _I thought._ I’m just madly in love with you and it pains me to see you and your girlfriend together because I know I have no chance. _But I didn’t say it. I worked up the guts to look at you, into those gorgeous blue eyes and sound at least a bit courageous. “I’m sorry Louis,” I began. “I know we promised to always be honest with each other but…” I lifted the soft plush blanket you had bought me once for my birthday, the small orange one in the window of my favourite little shop and gently glided it over my moistened cheek. “But I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.” I looked down at my hands, buried deep within my blanket and tried to avoid your disappointed gaze. But instead of taking a deep breath to express it like I thought you would, you rested your hand on my shoulder and I turned to look at you, a small smile spread on your face and I swear, everything around us disappeared into an alternate universe and I nearly didn’t hear the words you spoke. “I understand Harry. Some things are just too much to tell and no matter how badly we want to say them, there are some things better left unsaid.”_ Unsaid. Of course. _You rubbed small circles into my back to try and stop the tears and it almost worked. I swear, I could’ve just kissed you right then and there but I held back. You leaned into me, wrapping me in a warm hug and whispered to me. “Even I have things I haven’t told you Hazz.” And with that, you left a soft kiss to the top of my forehead and walked away. I was frazzled and the last thing that you said, about having secrets? And the friendly kiss…did you feel it too? That spark? Suddenly my heart was filled with hope._

_Maybe we did have a chance... did..._

_-Hazz x_


	5. Five

_Lou,_

_Oh no...Louis, my letters...They're missing... I can't find them anywhere and they were...they were in my nightstand by my bed and they were locked away...I don't know how anyone could've gotten to them, I had the key safely hidden on my necklace. The lads have never seen it, and neither have you I don't think...but I read over the letters every night, just to see what I was thinking then and...I guess I sounded a bit foolish. I'm sorry, I don't know why I continue to write these, but it sort of helps in a way, with all of these mixed feelings. I asked you if you had seen them, without exactly giving away who they were addressed to or what was in them...but oddly, you said you hadn't and then you had somewhere to be urgently, but something seemed off. Why hadn't you talked to me then Louis? You constantly steered clear of my presence...Why? Had I done something wrong? Said something, done something...you once said I talk in my sleep... oh god... oh no... Louis Tomlinson, forget the things I may have said in my sleep, I didn't mean for you to hear them! Oh god Louis, if I lose you forever, I think I may just die._

_-Hazz x_


	6. Six

_Harry..._

_I...I found something in your drawer the other day. I know I shouldn't have been snooping, but the key to the drawer was left in its socket, the drawer pulled out just a tad, revealing a small white envelope. I know I should've just left it there and walked away but i couldn't help myself! You were in the shower so I knew you couldn't stop me. As I walked up to the drawer, I saw a name scribbled onto the front of the unsealed envelope. Some girl you secretly fancied maybe? I don't know but as soon as I lifted the paper into the light, my mouth dropped into an "o" as my name came into clear view. What was it? I couldn't help it as I sat myself down onto the bed and held the envelope in my hands. I was hesitant at first, afraid to face whatever the contents could be. Slowly lifting the flap, a few crumpled papers fluttered out and onto the floor and I quickly rushed to retrieve them. "Lou," it began. As I scanned over the heartfelt words, my eyes welled up with tears. I was so shocked, how could you feel that way Hazz? Why hadn't you ever told me, I would've understood. But the things you said...were they true? Did I really light up your world and turn your frown upside down whenever you were down? Did you really value our friendship so dearly? I never knew these things and now I know why you were so upset the other day. But Harry...we're best friends, why couldn't you have just told me? I...I can't be around you right now. I need some time to think. Don't bother looking for me, Paul and the boys already know where I'm headed. So If it's an absolute emergency, you can ask them. Eleanor is coming as well, we're going to consider it an early anniversary trip. I just thought I'd let you know. It's not that I'm afraid of you, or don't want to see you. I just need some time to think things through. And by the time you see this letter, I'll already be gone. I'm sorry Harry, but I'll see you soon._

_-Louis_


	7. Seven

_Lou,_

_You left and you've been gone for three days now. I'm starting to worry. The boys say that you'll be fine but I don't know what to believe anymore. After that night...I just can't think straight. The boys handed me a letter the first day you were gone, but I still haven't gained the strength to read through it. "Come on Harry, it's just a letter. How bad can it be?" Liam smiled handing me the envelope, but they had no idea. My heart beats for you Louis, and only you. Maybe I'm taking this a bit too far, but I no longer wake up to your beautiful toothy grin to greet me at breakfast, of course I still have the boys, but it's not the same without you. I only wish I could've told you the words I yearn to say sooner, before you ran off for a break. Maybe I should read the letter, with my name sprawled onto the envelope in your familiar sloppy handwriting, that's how I know it's from you. So I think I'll take the chance and read it, maybe somewhere in it it has the answers to some of the questions that constantly wander through my mind. Right now, I imagine you wishing me good luck._

_I think I'll need it._

_-Hazz x_


	8. Eight

_Harry,_

_I thought I’d update you on how things have been, I’m afraid to directly call you or send you a text. The weather is nice here, not too hot, not too cold. We went out into the city and were hounded by fans, wondering where the rest of One Direction was. I couldn’t answer; I didn’t know what to say because I had other more pressing matters on my mind. Like those letters I found. I take them with me everywhere I go Hazz, and I read over them every night just so I can hear your voice in my mind, ringing with melodic laughter at the more humorous of parts. I don’t read them when El is awake, I don’t want her to see them. I’ve been thinking a lot Harry, and I’m still a bit puzzled on where I stand with the whole idea. But you know, even if I don’t decide the way you would rather it be, I still want to be mates like we always have been. It will only be awkward if we make it awkward, right? So no matter what ends up being decided, let’s always be friends, okay? Because like you said, I can’t lose you as a friend. That’s too big of a loss and I don’t know where I’d be without you. Please don’t be upset Hazz. And as you read the concluding words of this letter, do not be angered, but…I think we’ll be staying here for about another week or so, maybe longer. I’m sorry Hazz…but I really need to think long and hard about this, I hope you understand._

_-Louis_


	9. Nine

_Harry,_

_I don’t even know if you’re getting these letters, but I’m going to continue to write them. I haven’t heard back from you, so I assume you’ve either not even gotten them yet or just not read them yet. Either way, I need you to somehow know that I am thinking about you and what you said, not one day has gone by where I don’t think about you. Last night though, I didn’t get the chance to read your unsent letters, Eleanor had other things in mind…but I turned her down, faking it off that I was exhausted and too tired to fool around. I just couldn’t get that intimate with her when I had so many other things to think about. Please don’t hate me for taking so long to answer you, you know, tell you how I’m processing the whole situation. If you’ve read the letter I left you, you would know how I figured this all out, but I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe you’re creating a pile of these letters, still unopened and unread. That’s cool I guess, if you do that. I’ll still write to you. It’s been two weeks now and the island is actually pretty nice, did I tell you we’re staying on an island? Well we are, and it’s quite delightful. Eleanor seems to be enjoying herself, with all the sightseeing and the nice long walks on the beach. But it doesn’t feel right Harry. It just doesn’t feel right when I pull her close and kiss her on the lips like she’s the only one that I love, but I do love her! At least…I thought I did…I don’t know what’s happening Hazz, but I think we’re going to extend our visit for another two weeks. Maybe that will be enough time to begin to feel comfortable with her again…and to think about you and me…_

_-Louis_


	10. Ten

_Lou,_

_I haven't heard from you in nearly three weeks. I'm starting to worry. Why don't you write me, or text me? My letters still haven't turned up, so I assume that I've misplaced them. I don't really worry about the boys finding out anymore, I have a feeling they already know. Do you? Is that why you left? I still haven't gotten myself to read the letter that you left for me...but I'm starting to think that I should. The boys say I need to cheer up, I'm not the same crazy, dimpled guy I used to be. Every once in a while they can get a small chuckle out but I'm just scared, you know? What if it turns out that when you get back, you admit to have seen the letters and you hate me? Or what if I don't still feel that way? Well how about I don't be so grim and tell you about some stuff that's been going on over here in London. Management and the label said that we're going to have to get ready for our second album, "Take Me Home." "It's gonna be sick." Niall jumped up and down upon the announcement." "What about Louis? We still need him to start." I explained. "Don't worry Hazz, he'll be back in time." Liam assured and I relaxed just a little. I'm glad that the rest of the boys know where you are, but I noticed that you didn't tell me..._

_Why not?_

_-Hazz x_


	11. Eleven

_Harry,_

_Things between El and I have been a bit rough lately. We argue quite often and I don't know what's happened. We were so in love and it seems as though we've begun to split apart and fall out of love. How does that happen? I'm extremely confused right now Harry, and I've noticed that things started going south after we left on this trip...maybe it's a sign. I can't stop thinking about those letters and as Eleanor and I walk down the streets, I can hear the papers crinkle in my pocket. "What is that?" El asked one day. "Nothing." I lied whilst blushing. "Please don't lie to me Louis, we have to be honest with each other." She pushed on. Somehow I found the strength to pull the slips of paper out of my pocket and give her a glimpse of it. "They're just some letters of mine." I explained, stuffing them back into my jeans. Although she said nothing, I could tell that she was curious and she wanted to know. We didn't hold hands as tightly, or stand as close as we normally did. There was a cloud of tension that hung between us for some reason. I don't know why she had gotten so upset though. One night when I went to bed, I set the envelope containing the letters in my bedside table. The next morning when I got out of the shower, I went to go and read them while El took a cleansing bath. But as I stalked over to the drawer, I found it open a crack and the envelope gone. My pulse quickened and I scoured every inch of that hotel room for it, not once finding any trace of it. I even searched the trash and I couldn't find it. A soft click from behind indicated Eleanor returning from her bath and I quickly flipped around to face her. "Where are my letters!?" I demanded before realising that she was cloaked in just a towel. "Oh...sorry." I looked at the ground and scratched the back of my neck in embarrassment. It felt so awkward to just be standing in a room with her when she was practically naked. A small giggle escaped her lips. "It's fine Lou, it's not like we haven't seen each other naked before." A warm rosy blush arose to my cheeks and she giggled once more before cupping my face in her hand and left a soft kiss to my lips. "You left them in the bathroom." She chuckled and scurried away to fetch some clothes. Instantly I ran for the bathroom and found the envelope sat near the sink on the counter. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, hugging it tightly to my chest but froze when water began to seep through my shirt. One glance at the envelope and I know Eleanor had lied to me._

_There were wet, dainty fingerprints all over them._

_-Louis_


	12. Twelve

_Harry,_

_I haven't confronted Eleanor yet, but every once in a while she'll discreetly snigger to herself out of nowhere, probably thinking about the letters, I suppose. I don't know why she would be so curious as to lie to me and read the bloody letters. Dammit! Why did I have to be so stupid? Sorry, it just pisses me off to know that my own girlfriend would lie to me, but I don't know...those words taste bitter in my mouth. They just don't form the way they should. I don't know what's happening or why I've suddenly began to feel so uncomfortable holding her hand or kissing her...it just doesn't feel right anymore. I'm not sure if it ever did. Hazz, I'm so confused. We're beginning to become more isolated, me and Eleanor. She sleeps on the far side of the bed now, looking in the other direction, she locks the door when showering...she knows, Hazz. She knows everything. Every heartfelt word that you let spill out onto the paper. I'm sorry Hazz, I didn't mean for this to happen. I shouldn't have even taken the letters in the first place, it was only meant for your eyes, right? Even though you said that you may someday send them? I'm so sorry, this is all my fault, it makes sense for you to not be replying to these letters, I haven't exactly found the strength to read them either, and I don't think I'll be sending any more of them. But when I get back home I can give you a great big hug and tell you that I'm sorry. You'll hate me forever after I hand you both sets of letters. I'll lose you as a friend and I can't stand or bear the thought of losing you, Harry. I'd miss you too much, and this entire time I've been confused and not knowing why I was feeling this way and all of these mixed emotions, and I finally understand it all. I'm going to talk to El about the whole thing, her taking the letters and lying about them. I need to clear some things up first, before I can take any further steps. We're leaving in a week. I'll see you soon Hazz._

_-Louis_


	13. Thirteen

_Lou,_

_It’s been two months since I last saw you, you need to come back soon! We start recording for our second album, “Take Me Home” in 2 days and you still haven’t gotten back, and we can’t record without you! The boys say not to worry so much and just trust you. But I’m worried something horrid may have happened. Do I worry too much? You’d probably say that I need to calm down, take a breather and to just chill out. I’m sorry for overreacting, you would be so disappointed in me, I know. I’m sorry Louis. I think I’m going to stop writing these letters, I’m not sure how much they’re helping anymore, and with every word I write, I risk the chance of someone finding them and finding out. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that, it’s quite a bit to wrap your head around. I’m thinking about telling my mum though, I trust her and I know she won’t judge me for it. If anything, she’ll be supportive of whatever I decide to do, because she loves me, and I know the boys will understand too. I think I’m ready for them to know…almost, but not quite yet. There are a few things I need to sort out first._

_-Hazz x_


	14. Fourteen

_Harry,_

_By now I've made the conclusion that I need to end things with El. I finally confronted her about reading the letters. It didn't go too well. "Eleanor can we talk for a sec?" I waved her over into the sitting room of our hotel room. With a kind smile, she sat herself on the coffee table in front of me and took my hands in hers, gently rubbing her thumbs over my knuckles, knowing well how much I loved it. "Yes Lou?" She smiled cheekily. The few days before it, she had constantly tried to seduce me, each a failed attempt as I was not wanting to get so close to her again after discovering that she had lied to me. "You know those letters I had in an envelope with my name on it?" She nodded. "The ones from Harry?" Wow, what a massive fail right? "Yes the ones from...wait a minute..." I stood up and looked her in the eye. "How did you know that they were from Harry?" She suddenly looked nervous and was clearly searching for an excuse. "Y-you told me, remember?" I shook my head. "No, I didn't tell anyone what was in those letters or who they were from." She kept looking from side to side as she became more nervous. "Don't be ridiculous babe," She laughed. "You told me that he's been sending them while we've been here the entire time." I shook my head. "No, he didn't even send them." I chuckled, knowing full well that she would not be able to pull of the charade for much longer. "Louis come on..." "Please don't lie to me." I softly spoke, begging her to tell the truth and just come out with it. "Fine. I read the letters." I scoffed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. "But I had to know why you were acting so strange and I couldn't just let you go on so upset." "I was fine Eleanor." "No you weren't Louis. Is this why we really came here? So you could get away from Harry for a while?" I looked down at my shoes, feeling a bit ashamed of myself for lying as well. "So this wasn't just some romantic getaway?" I remained silent, afraid to answer as she slowly unveiled the truth. She took a deep breath and pulled me towards her. "Louis, you could've just told me. I would've understood." She smiled and softly stroked my cheek to wipe away my fallen tears that had begun to build up. "I love you Louis, and I want you to be happy. So if you don't feel the same way for Harry, then you need to tell him that soon so that you don't lead him on in any way." My gaze left her as I looked down at my feet and she stood held aback. "Louis you don't..." Without letting her finish, I cut her short. "I think you should start getting packed, we leave in 4 hours."_

_So I guess it's just a long winded way of saying, I'm on my way home Harry._

_I'll see you soon._

_-Louis_


	15. Fifteen

_Harry,_

_Eleanor and I split up...but we decided to stay friends. Really good friends. We don't want this whole thing to get in the way of our friendship. We worked out the whole thing before we boarded the jet and I'm hoping things will be alright. I'm so excited to see you Harry, you have no idea how anxious I am for this plane to land. Yeah, we're in the air right now, at first El and I were having a nice conversation. "So what are you gonna do when we get back?" She asked sweetly, looking out the window of the plane to overlook the setting sun. "What do you mean?" I was confused. With a small chuckle, she turned to face me. "I mean, what are you going to do about the whole 'Larry' thing when we get back? Are you guys going to become official?" I let out a nervous chuckle. "I'm not sure yet. Obviously we have to take some time to talk about things." She looked at me questioningly, as if trying to study me. "What?" I nervously chuckled, feeling a bit uncomfortable under her warm gaze. "Nothing," She shook her head and giggled a bit. "It's just...what if there is nothing you really need to talk about? Maybe that's what you need to not do. Maybe you just have to be bold..."_

_-Louis_


	16. Sixteen

_Lou,_

_I've tried so hard to make this letter perfect, you should see the crinkled papers cluttering my room floor. But no matter how hard I try, I can't find a way to make it sound right. So I guess there really is no other way to say this but...I love you. I know I've said it before but this is so much more, I don't just love you Louis...I'm_ in _love with you. I look at you the same way Liam looks at Danielle, and the way Zayn looks at Perrie and Niall at food...You're not just a friend to me Louis, you are so much more than that. You're the sun to my shine, the peanut to my butter. You're the apple to my pie, and the flip to my flop. You're the one that makes me smile when I'm feeling down. You can be the rain to my drop and the tears that I cry, and no matter what people say, nobody can ever change the way I feel about you. You're always there when I need a shoulder to cry on and you've always been there to help me move forward when I felt like giving up. When I'm scared to hit that high note and afraid of failing and falling down, you're always there to catch me and hold me up and tell me to keep my head held high, and to never give up. Even when all hope is lost, you find a way to turn the situation into something better and good for us all. That's what I admire about you Lou, but there are still so many more things. Like the way your nose crinkles when you laugh. Oh god, your laugh. I swear it just kills me inside. I love it when you laugh, it's like a beautiful melody, and when I'm the reason for that laugh or smile, I feel all warm inside. Thank you for being you, Lou. Don't ever change that._

_Ever._

_-Hazz x_


	17. Seventeen

_Harry,_

_We just landed. We're back in London! We're coming home, I can't wait to see you and give you a big hug and hand you these letters...I really hope that you don't hate me. This is my last letter Hazz, but I hope that now you can see how much I care about you._

_-Louis_


	18. Eighteen

_Lou,_

_This is it. This is my last letter. I don't want to keep writing the same thing over and over, and I can't even get myself to send them. But you must know one thing. Lou, I..._

Just then a click from behind caught my attention. I turned around quickly and found the door swinging open, revealing an over-joyed Louis.

**Louis' POV**

There you were, sat on your bed and writing away. Another letter? I didn't care, but just seeing your face it was...overwhelming. You tried to speak but suddenly my feet were leading me your way at an astonishing pace. _Be bold._ I told myself. I think it's fair to say that I surprised us both when I put my hands on your cheeks and quickly closed the distance between our lips. At first it was slow, cautious; unsure of what was happening. But as our lips moved together, we slowly became more passionate and your hands rose to my sides. After we both ran out of air, we pulled away and you looked at me, bewildered.

"Louis..."

"Here." I cut in, grabbing both crumpled sets of letters from my back pocket to hand to you. "You should read these." You looked confused as I turned to walk away, but I figured as soon as you saw the envelope with my name on it you'd understand. I couldn't bear to stay and watch, so instead I went to the boys.

"Louis!" They all shouted, crowding in for a hug. "You're back!"

"Yeah." I chuckled. "I guess I am."

"So how was the island?" Zayn asked, seeming genuinely curious.

"Nice." I simply stated. "Fair weather, I think Eleanor enjoyed herself."

"What about you?" Liam asked politely.

"Yeah I guess." I nodded. "Hey listen, I need to tell you guys something..."

"Sure what is it?" Niall said.

"Erm..." I looked around nervously. "I think we need Harry for this."

"Oh I'll go and get him." Zayn offered, but I stopped him in his tracks.

"No." He looked confused. "Not yet."

**Harry's POV**

As I read through the letters that you had written, I began to weep. The entire time I was sitting, worrying about you...you were off on an island with Eleanor, to get away from me? But the last letter...now it was my turn to be confused. For one, you stole my letters and then lied to me about it. I should've been furious, but for some reason I wasn't. Your explanations and confessions in those letters...were they true? I wasn't ready to face you after reading them. What was I supposed to say to that? Everything was jumbled up in my head and I just didn't know what to say. Even when I heard the door to my room open, I sat still, drinking in the final words of your last letter.

**Louis' POV**

I entered your room just as you finished reading my last letter. I couldn't read your expression from behind and even as I walked in, you didn't look up. Were you mad at me? Angry? I continued to advance towards you and laid a shaky, cautious hand on your shoulder and you set the letters down on your bed without turning to me. "You lied, Louis." Louis. You rarely called me that.

"No I just..." I didn't even know what to say, because the truth was...I did lie, and to say that I didn't would only be continuing the charade. "Yes." I admitted openly. "Yes, I lied. But it was just because I was confused and needed some time to think. I didn't know what to do---"

"You lied to me Lou!" You shot around and stood up off of your bed, standing an inch taller than me and your voice rose to that alarming volume when you get pissed off, and your voice deepened like it always did. It frightened me Hazz, but I deserved it. I winced as your hands raised into your hair and you fisted your curls. "I poured my heart out onto those pages and nearly went crazy when they went missing! I even asked you if you had seen them and you ran off without another word!" By now I could tell that you were crying as well as me.

"I'm sorry Harry! I didn't know what to do!" The tears I had been holding back slipped.

"Yeah neither did I..." Your voice lowered and your voice hitched in your throat. "That's why I wrote the letters." You slowly sat yourself on your bed and I cautiously followed, watching you as you explained. "I wanted to send them so badly and tell you how I felt but I was scared. I didn't know if you'd feel the same way. I guess you could say that, in a way I was glad those letters were gone though, because then I didn't run the chance of anyone finding out. But I also secretly hoped that you had found them and read them, that way you would already know. I just didn't think you'd feel the same way and..."

"Harry," I chuckled, cutting you off. "I know what you're trying to get at." The glimmer in your eyes and the dimpled smile that was brought on made my heart melt. "So are we going to tell the boys?" You looked ready to hurl.

"I-I don't know. I'm scared." To be honest, I was scared out of my mind too, but I had to be strong. I had to be strong for you.

"As long as we do it together, we'll be fine." Carefully, I took your hand in mine and gave it a light squeeze, carefully entwining our fingers and I saw your gaze drop to our hands. The smile returned and you looked up at me, those beautiful teeth peeking through your plump, heart-shaped lips. The corners of my lips curled up into a smile as we got up and headed out the door together, hand-in-hand. We stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at each other. "Are you ready Harry?"

You nodded. "Louis...I think I am."

* * * * *

_People say we shouldn’t be together_

_We're too young to know about forever_

_But I say they don’t know what they talk talk talkin’ about_

_Cause this love is only getting stronger_

_So I don’t wanna wait any longer_

_I just wanna tell the world that you're mine..._

_They don’t know about us_

"All right, that's a wrap!" The producer announced, clapping his hands together. "Great job boys!" A thumbs up was pointed in the boys' direction and they returned the gesture.

"Congrats lads! Album two is finally done!" Louis shouted whilst still in the recording booth.

"What a ride." Liam threw in.

"That was fun." Zayn chuckled as he noticed everyone's relief to be done with recording.

"So...who wants food?" Niall offered with a shrug, sending the others into a short-lived fit of laughter.

"Good job boys," Harry finally got out. "Album two is done." Whilst the rest of the boys gave each other congratulatory hugs, Louis and Harry had slowly found their way to each other and embraced one another in each other's arms.

"This was a great album." Louis smiled, slipping his fingers through Harry's.

"We couldn't have done it without each other." He smiled, leaning in closer to Louis. As their lips met, there was a spark. A connection that had undeniably been there the whole time but had just taken them a little while to find.

"Harry, I have a confession." Louis spoke, shying back a bit.

"What's up Lou?" Taking a deep breath, Louis leaned up towards Harry's ear and began to confess.

"I love you Harry." He whispered, tickling Harry's ear and causing him to throw his head back with laughter.

"I thought you were going to say something derogatory!" He playfully slapped Louis' arm.

"What? Nothing back?" Louis traced a fake tear trail down his cheek and pretended to cry.

Harry threw his head back in laughter once again and rested his hand on his toned stomach. Leaning in, he left a soft kiss to Louis' cheek and pulled away with a smile. "I love you too, you crazy idiot."


	19. Eleanor's Letters: One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So all of the things between Louis and Harry have been resolved, but I was thinking that maybe it'd be interesting to see how Eleanor reacted to it all. I've decided to write an additional few letters of Eleanor's along with some thoughts that she had through the whole situation. So I hope you enjoy!
> 
> // [k.b.]

_Harry,_

_I know this letter will seem strange coming from me in the midst of this all, but I had to tell you. I read the letters, just to be completely forward. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it just happened in the midst of all of my worry. It's been creating a rift between Louis and me. It's not that I find it repugnant in any way, I really don't...but he seems faraway--so distant now, Harry. He doesn't lace his fingers through my own anymore, he more just lightly grasps onto my fingertips. He won't even kiss me. It's not that I'm blaming you, it's not something you can really control, I just wish I knew what was going on in his mind right now, and I think you're the only person who would know or understand. You know him better than anyone else--you know the inner workings of his mind like the back of your hand. I want him back Harry, and maybe not as mine, but as himself. His happy, smiley, jumpy, and giddy self. The one that could liven up a room with just the flash of a smile. Whatever the outcome, I hope it all works out for everyone, don't you? I just hope you can bring Louis back once we return; I'm trying to get us back sooner. You're the only one who can do it. I don't truly know why I'm sending this to you, I guess because you of all people would understand the internal struggle, and I needed someone to think aloud to--someone already involved to avoid waging conflict on all of your mates. Please write Soon Harry. I need you._

_Dearly,_

_Eleanor_


	20. Eleanor's Letters: Two

_Harry,_

_I'm desperate. I need Louis back. He's becoming more distant every day, and there's nothing I can do to bring him back. He needs you--now more than ever. He's losing himself to the darkness inside, and I don't think he realises it. He's changing without you in his life, I can see it. He may not realise it yet, but I can see it; and that is that he loves you. He loves you just as much as you love him, otherwise he wouldn't be like this. He just can't find it in himself to admit it. It will take some time, and I'll do what I can to fix this. But please, please don't abandon him when we return. He needs you and you need him; I care about him too much to let him go on like this. I'll see what I can do about compressing the time that we're gone, but he seems keen on expanding the trip instead. This isn't easy for me to process either--losing the man I love to his best mate. Whatever the cost, I hope it all resolves itself and we can all go on as friends. Every time I try to ask him, he usually mutters an incoherent sentence or "nothing." He doesn't want to discuss it...or he doesn't trust me, which I would completely understand why, because I read the letters and lied, but I really hope that is not the case. I was simply concerned for him and his health, and his fading character. I'm sorry for rambling on again, and you probably won't answer again, and that's fine because I can see why you wouldn't; I'm not the most candid person on this earth. But I promise I will_ not _tell anyone--not a single soul. You can trust me, Harry. I'll see you soon._

_Dearly,_

_Eleanor_


	21. Eleanor's Letters: Three

_Harry,_

_I know I'm going to lose Louis. Maybe not as a friend, perhaps, but certainly as my boyfriend. And sure it hurts, but as long as he's happy so am I. He won't admit to it yet, he won't tell me because I think he's personally still working out the whole thing in his own mind, but whatever he does it's by his own volition. I'm not holding him to anything and I hope you don't either. Just please be there for him when he decides to let you in and express his emotions; I personally don't think he'll come running to me when he finally figures it out. I know he'll go to you first because you know what? He loves you. He really, really loves you more than anyone else on this Earth. I've never seen him so upset, and so he's finally decided that we can go back now. It's just a matter of time before we're back Harry, you'll be seeing each other soon. Please don't hurt him, he's sensitive. I still love him and I always will, that is something that is inevitable and will never leave me because despite all of our problems, he's still a great person. And I can't stand to lose him in my life either. This is my last letter. I don't think there's really much that I can say anymore except that I love you too, you're like a brother to me. Take care of Louis, and please stay in touch. We'll see you soon._

_Dearly,_

_Eleanor_


	22. Eleanor – Internal Monologue

_At first I wasn't sure how to feel about the whole idea: losing my boyfriend to his best friend. Sure I was hurt at first, and it was almost unbelievable that such a thing could occur. But eventually it did, they're happily together now and the release of their second album is rapidly approaching. At first I felt pure and utter hatred towards the curly-haired lad, but I slowly came to the realisation that it was affecting Louis too and something had to be done. I could see it in his eyes; his interest in being with me was slowly fading and he grew more weary as the days dragged on. He quite obviously longed to be with Harry, though he may not have figured it out himself, but I could see it in him. I wasn't making him happy anymore, if anything I was only bringing him down. But now he's happy and that's all that matters, and we're still friends which is fortunate after everything we've endured. And now I've found someone else who makes me equally happy, just like Harry and Louis make each other. So despite it all--the heartache, the confusion, the anger--all in all it was meant to be the entire time. And for that I am glad, it was bound to happen eventually and I'm happy it didn't occur when it was too late._


End file.
